I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
