my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
