Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
