Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
