Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
