please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
