Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
