it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
