It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
