I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
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