I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
