there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
