Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
