My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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