woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
