I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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