it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
