If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
