fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
