no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
