when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
