Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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