I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
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