He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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