I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
