your thong is hanging out like whoa
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I just got carded by a ten year old.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
