He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Randomize
