in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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