In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
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