What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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