i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
