she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
