I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
