i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Randomize
