glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
