glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
