Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
