i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I checked into jail on foursquare
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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