i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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