It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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