That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
