1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
