3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
