Your dad touched me again.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
this just has baby written all over it
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
