i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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