take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
