if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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