There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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