Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
