my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
