i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
