I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
