Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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