hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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